Anxiety and Fear

It starts off as an anxiety. Anxiety, because you're uncertain whether you will live or die. Anxiety can be defined as an uneasiness, a troubled mind. you have not taken command of the situation. It is out of your control ... so you believe.

When I realised that the treatment I was being given was seriously damaging the body, it caused a shift from anxiety ... to fear, meaning something is known about what one is dealing with. When you fear something, rather than have a vague anxiety about it, what is feared has taken a form, something that can be dealt with. When you take up the fear and work with it, it generates more and more clarity. You look for ways to deal with it. A body already suffering through toxicity is being fed with more of the same. Because of the fact that each of us is a unique individual, no scientist or oncologist knows what parts of the body it will affect. It struck me that I could very well become another statistic, a sacrifice on the altar of a crude science.

In a song by the Specials, "Enjoy Yourself", there's a line of lyrics: "It's not good to be another man's footstool." Ringing around in my head were the words of a friend, "If you don't take charge of your own life, someone else will." Ordinarily, we can get by with letting someone use us, but there's a greater imperative when one's life is at stake.  

In the seventies, a friend pointed out an advert in a local paper, "An introduction to Self-awareness". When I arrived at Tan-y-Garth Hall, Khen, who ran the place, said they never advertised. I spent a lot of time in his company and came to believe that he was a truthful man. It must have been an angel that put the advert in. An angel is simply a messenger, and I'm thankful to whoever provided me with the introduction. Deep meditation has helped me find a place where I can trust myself.

Simple monocells have to balance each incoming stimulus with its own internal reaction, or it will be destroyed. This is true for higher beings also. The search for balance results in adaptation to the environment. Deception is one of the modes used for adaptation. Mimicry and protective colouring are assumed. If virtually everyone we meet is indulging in deception techniques for self-survival, who can we trust? Family and close friends, for their own self-balancing will be giving you advice which may be fatal.  

For this reason it is best to start trusting oneself, learning the rules of self-balancing and self-maintenance. Feel into your own being and arrive at your own, unique, best route.

Does the self-balancing of those who run pharmaceutical companies contribute to your own self-balancing might be the first question you can ask. Feeling, and looking like death, accompanied by loss of hearing, was light years away from what I consider to be the good health which I'm now enjoying. Biblically it is said, "the kingdom of god is within". Our own bodies hold the answers to maintaining good health.

"The Food-Tube Is Very Ancient. It is the, "Worm that dieth not". Compared with it the brain is a recent evolute and the neo-cortex a mere babe. The brain's capacity for recording experiential data derives from the food-tube's memory capacity. The food-tube's memory has in it data from millions of years ago. Protoplasm is the perfect recording medium. Thus the food-tube is very intelligent (= very able to read the records of its past experiences, actions and results). Tuning in to one's food-tube information places innumerable data at one's disposal. Compared to this the brain's information is very incomplete."