Fear and Clarity

From the moment of conception, we are always seeking to better our life, whatever condition it's in. At every stage of life it's the same, from the simple, single cell amoeba to the most complex organism ... hit by external stimuli we work to balance ourselves internally, or face destruction.

A lady I was fond of worked in the vegetable shop at the top of our lane, and when we exchanged pleasantries, she would often remark, "as long as you've got your health everything else is of lesser importance, isn't it?" And although I used to concur, I never deeply understood her situation, in which she had been touched by, and was being treated for cancer. Even though you may have been affected by events which befall a friend or a family member, there is still a sheltered place in your own mind in which you reconcile what's been experienced, and purposefully go about your own business, insulated from such considerations. You happily continue to seek your own self-fulfilment. 

When an event comes along to challenge the happiness of this seeking, how do you respond? Do you bemoan all your unfulfilled dreams, the multitudes of "one day, I'll ..." that this stark reality is stripping away? Do you see the dark chasm that's impending, and bidding you 'fall into me'? Do you fall back on your education thus far, hopelessly looking for clues that may help you avoid it? It seems too demanding, all the dark forces of time appear to be stacked against you. Where did your happiness disappear to, your hopes for the future?

In the greatest fear comes the greatest clarity. Internal to you is your own reference centre. Your education may not have made it clear to you, but you are the author of your own life. 

You can surrender willingly, and assign this authorship to an external agent in the belief that the agent will repair this body that you own. The fear of not knowing keeps us in the groove assigned to us by external authority. 

Alternatively, the clarity that your fear presents you with, may give you such information that you are persuaded to move away from the desire to rely on the dubious integrity and reliability of external beings. Doubt means the doubleness, the two-natured aspect of what's being offered. A treatment with strings.

You can, instead, willingly seek to rely on your own authority. Knowledge confers a degree of power. Unless you live in faith, that which enables you to take the first step forward into the unknown, a lot of studying is involved before you become convinced of the plausibility of taking another course. 

Much of what I will share here may help you to make a decision about which route you're willing to take, should you ever receive the diagnosis. Although on these pages there will be many testimonials to the fact that it's possible to do it successfully, nevertheless falling back on your own centre, being self-reliant, still involves the implicit faith that what you are doing will naturally lead you back to full health.  

It's your life. When you take charge of it, no-one else makes decisions for you, for it is you who decide in every moment what is appropriate. Although it can be adjusted, tweaked here and there, perseverance and discipline in sticking to the protocol you have selected for yourself is vital. Dignity arises when you clean your act up and when you cease blaming anyone else for what's happening to your body. Giving the body, mind and emotion the love so desperately needed will create in the being a garden in which life can prosper. 

What is love?  That which works to develop the full potential of whatever is focused upon. 

Should you go an alternative route to chemo, life becomes much richer due to the integrity gained along the way. This has been my choice, and I believe it has been most effective. Whatever choice you make, I wish you every success on your journey.

John Bailey